this is sorta the pivot of my life. its gonna come out in 2 days, and i cant help but feel scared. the wait will be absolutely nerve wrecking. i get hints in dreams especially that id do just well enough, but as they always say, dreams are total opposites of reality. i hope this is a dream come true.
but like me, hope has always been a letdown. and im gonna let all of that people had laid on me crumble, with a flick of a tiny rock or a massive kick. i dont know. after all the papers, i thought everything went well, but now this situation completely changes. you think of it, your mind gets overwhelmed by nausea, dizzying beyond your control. countless butterflies fluttering in your stomach, wishing you could release them from either way. thinking of holding the sheet of paper, your heart cringing as you lay contact upon it. eyes all on you, the noise getting distant yet near. you cannot feel your feet, as though they were water and you just want to give way.
i hope by saying all these, it will prepare me for my day. im sorry, i cant help it. im sorry i've let down many. im sorry im emo now. im sorry.
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